Posted by: Little Miss | September 16, 2007

Fibro Flake

Forget fog. I’m just a plain flake anymore. I don’t live up to my commitments when I say I’m going to do something – unless it involves my immediate family and little grandkids. I’m supposed to go and pick up some free – hear that? FREE – sawhorses from three places today so I can get someone to finish painting my baseboards and I just don’t want to do it. It involves emptying out the filing cabinet that’s been riding in the back of my car for a week now and driving to places not so far away, but seeing people unknown.

Additionally, I was supposed to do something for my local chapter of the American Sewing Guild and I was enthusiastic about the idea of it, but when it came to implementation, I completely flaked out.

Here’s a woman that could always be counted on, who always helped out, even when it meant sacrificing her own needs. Now I can be counted on to flake out – of weddings, social engagements, you name it. I hate that about myself, but I feel powerless to do anything to change it.

It’s a dirty trick mother nature played on me. I’m the perfectionist. I love a clean house. It fills my soul to be creating things and having about five projects going at a time. But lately, even doing just the dishes exhausts me and the thought of getting dressed and putting on makeup leaves me listless and unmotivated.

What gives? Sure, so I went 200 mph for the last 25 years and God thought I should slow down. But to a full stop? I’m way to young for this. And when I do get up, I now walk like my shoulders want to get there before my feet arrive.

My motto has always been “quit-yer-bitchin” and do something about it. But I no longer know what to do, nor do I even have the energy if I did. That’s what totally sucks about this stuff. I think it’s because I know what comes after pushing myself to do things. The sheer exhaustion, pain, throbbing muscles, and everything else that goes with this horrible condition.

Okay, whine over. Must move forward. Must, must, must. Okay, just give me a minute.

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Responses

  1. Oh, you poor thing. Fibro changes EVERYTHING. I was reading something where a woman wrote because she couldn’t even figure out how she was going to get through raising her kids. It gets that hard, and it’s just unexplainable.

    Please go easy on yourself. It’s weird to look back and remember how you “used” to be. But you will come to love the new you just as much, flakes and all. You’re positive and creative, and you have a great sense of humor. I can’t wait to see how you’ll end up handling all of this.

  2. […] 17th, 2007 Lil Miss recently wrote a post about feeling like a “Fibro Flake,” and it really hit home. One of the hardest parts of dealing with Fibromyalgia for me is […]

  3. I think doctors should come up with a term that describes this aspect of illness. I call it “failure to motivate” but even that doesn’t do it justice. It is also the part of FM that gets confused with depression. Most people just fail to understand there’s more too it than feeling too blue or too overwhelmed to do anything, but if I can’t even explain it myself, I can’t really fault them for not understanding, ya know? Anyway…. I’m feeling ya!


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