Posted by: Little Miss | October 20, 2007

Is it Real or Imagined?

Do you ever have a day or a few days where you feel so good that you think maybe your fibro was really all in your imagination? Where you think maybe – just maybe – the doctors were wrong? I do. Sometimes I go for a while and feel good, or the pain is just below the surface where I start to tolerate it more, and I think that maybe I imagined the whole thing.

Then I start to behave like I used to. I look around and see my house that was neglected and figure I need to do all my housecleaning in one day. I hear my doctor’s voice telling me I shouldn’t be mopping or vacuuming or doing heavy cleaning, and I ignore that voice. I get on my hands and knees and I clean my new tile kitchen floor before it gets ruined. I try to do the exercises my physical therapist gave me to do on my hands and knees and see if that doesn’t make the work go more easily.

I take frequent breaks. I take a short nap. I do all the things I think I should be doing, but after a while, my body starts screaming louder than my conscience that has been telling me all along to stop doing what I’m doing. That I’m going to pay, and bad.

See, my grandson came to visit me tonight. And I cannot have a house full of pet hair on the wood floors. I have to have clean sheets in the bed where he will sleep. I need to have all the dust balls off the stairs. I need to pick up all the stuff that normally I’d leave laying around because I’m just too tired to pick it up. I can’t have laundry overflowing – well, just because.

And now my body reminds me – quite voraciously and louder than ever – that I really do have fibro. It wasn’t my imagination. The doctors were right. And this makes me sad. This means I really must slow down – consistently – not just when I’m in pain, or when I feel like being responsible about my condition. This means I need to give up the thought that it will go away some day. And this makes me sad again.

It’s back to realizing that everything changes when you have fibro. Everything. And I don’t do well with change. At first.

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Responses

  1. Oh yes. This is how it goes for me too. And what do you do once you realize that this is the pattern? Do you cave in and do little or nothing even on the days that you feel good, just so you won’t pay for it later? At first, it all sometimes felt like some big trick. I’m learning to cope a little better, but that means slowing way down on the physical stuff, which just makes me feel sad too.

    Don’t give up hope that this can’t ever go away– remissions can and do occur. Long ones. Hope you had a ball with your grandson!

  2. Thanks, MB. I did have fun with him. He loves his “Danma”. I can’t wait for grandson #2 to get here, too.

    I hope there is remission someday. I did too much today, and now I’m paying for it. Plus I promised to watch the little ones tomorrow while my DD shops for a new van. No way three car seats are going to fit in her little Optima. That’s ok though. There’s Sunday to recover, I guess.

  3. I always took advantage of the days I felt good, I knew I would pay for it the next day but it was better than being careful and not “living”. I figure the pain would come tomorrow whether I played with the kids or watched a movie…it didn’t matter. Now that I am on the right meds I haven’t had a flare in about 2 months! There is hope for all of us!


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