Posted by: Little Miss | December 19, 2007

Wanted: Attitude Adjustment

I’m so full of sh*#. Or at least I am today. The problem with blogging is once you post something, it’s out there. You’ve revealed yourself if you’re honest, stripped away the mask, and switching tunes then becomes embarassing. Or real. Or real stupid.

Anyway, yesterday, the whole layoff thing hit me. Especially after a very good friend of mine – the one who helped me get the job in the first place – called. I almost cried on the phone. He said he felt responsible and I vehemently told him in no way did I blame him for any of this, or even remotely think he was to blame. I do know things work out for a reason, but I’m still just raw emotionally.

Then today, while waiting at the chiropractor’s office, I got a message from the partner who laid me off. To be honest, they have converted me to hourly and I only get paid for billable hours – hours that they can pass on to a client. But on Friday they said there wasn’t anything for me to do right now but I knew better. I asked about the two things I had in progress on my computer. They said, “We’ll take care of it.” Well, one of those things is now in process of being extended to a Phase 2 project and I just submitted a bid to work on it. The other thing is just some rewriting and editing of a service brochure.

The point is – I feel yanked around. On one hand, they say they don’t need me right now; on the other hand, they need me right away. I don’t know which way is up. All I want to do is crawl under the covers and cry. And that is soooo not me.

I learned yesterday more of what was going on at the company, and it’s very clear that the owners are just running the business in a not-so-smart fashion and it’s impacting so many more people than just me. And maybe I’m dodging a bullet. Who knows. But even though my head knows this, my heart isn’t catching up so fast and all I can say to myself is “Merry Effin Christmas”. It’s really not in my nature to have a negative attitude about things for long. I usually, as expressed earlier, switch to positive motion quickly and move ahead with new goals.

And my fibro is flaring up. Great. Sigh. Three guesses why and the first two don’t count.

At least tomorrow’s a new day and I can start over then.

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Responses

  1. To hell with em, you do not need to put up with it. You are smart, energetic, engaging, and beautiful – make your own life – be passionate about it. I wish you the absolute best. Be Sweet.

  2. johnnypeepers: Thank you so much. That’s so sweet of you to say. I needed to hear that.

  3. Many more telepathic hugs are being sent your way. Please don’t let them jerk you around. You deserve so much better.

    I hope you can keep your spirits up, and your flares down. Maybe we could market a new fibromyalgia card that expresses that.

    I really am thinking of you, and I know that your positive spirit will be back in force soon.


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