Posted by: Little Miss | January 9, 2008

Scared, but doing it anyway

Sometimes I wish I was a “Real Housewife of Orange County” where I had all the money in the world for whatever I needed, where I didn’t have to throw darts to see which bills get paid with the current check. Of course, some of what they have I don’t want as I have so much I am content with.

I know this year will be one of a lot of changes for me. I’m undergoing a background investigation for a job that I think I’d really like to have. It came to me, I didn’t go searching for it. But it sounds like a great job: flexible, well-paying, great clients, doing exactly what I like to do and what I’m good at.

I have no skeletons in my closet, so the background check should be just fine. But part of my anxiety is just irrational paranoia – part of my makeup. I’ve had to live with it for years, and I think it’s partly because I’ve been single for so long. I have no one here to really bounce this stuff off of, or to just lovingly tell me I’m full of crap, things will be fine, and to move on.

Some of the fear is fear of success. I know how to manage my life as it is now. I’m fairly successful already, but what will life be like if I’m successful beyond my wildest dreams? It’s possible. What if I really do get the life I want? Absolutely everything in my life could change.

But I have to try the freelance run-my-own-business thing. When I realized that my company was making close to $40K in one month on my efforts alone, I realized I really have to cut out the middleman.

So, I’m venturing out this year on new things. I’m scared, but I’m doing it anyway. I figure, if I don’t try, I’ll never know. I have conflicting feelings of apprehension and enthusiasm, confidence and insecurity, excitement and depression. I guess this is all normal and I should just ride the wave and enjoy the refreshing water as it washes over me on this new journey.



  1. Woohoo! *applause* Go for it! 🙂

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