Posted by: Little Miss | January 16, 2008

Six Month Update

It’s been about six months now since I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I thought I’d recap how it’s been for me adjusting to this deal. At first, I was in a bit of denial and had to do a lot of research. Then when I accepted it, I started realizing the ramifications of what this diagnosis meant. It meant changing everything in my life. My priorities, my self-care, my goals, my commitments, and so forth. This was quite an adjustment. For a while I even went through a period of focusing on every pain and ache to determine for myself my limits and how I could deal with it – or not. I think in any type of self-awareness and personal growth some introversion and self-focus – some would call it self-absorption – is necessary, if for nothing more than to understand it. I think where problems occur is when someone doesn’t know when to turn outward again. Sometimes that takes professional help. I’m all for professional help and have had my share of it years ago.

Now I have accepted the fact that fibro is a complete part of my life. Aches and pains are always there to some degree. There are days when it slows me down or completely stops me, and then there are days when the pain is only lightly under the surface and I feel quite good, have more energy, and can get more things done. Overall, however, the pain never seems to go away. Ever. That can be depressing at times, and there are times it makes me feel quite old, although I am still quite young. (I refuse to label myself middle age yet. I doubt my mother rarely calls herself middle aged and she’s almost 88. It’s a mindset, you know?)

Anyway, lately, I’ve come to terms with some things. I am not going to give up on a happy future just because of fibro. I’m not going to let it completely cripple me without a good fight. I plan to do as much as I can socially, physically, and employment-wise that I can, without overdoing it. And there’s the rub. Overdoing it is hard to determine. The line is so fine, it’s almost invisible. Often I’ve found with this stuff that by the time the thought occurs to you that you might be overdoing it, you’re past the point where the pain would be minimal. But I’m learning to recognize the warning signs. I’m learning to listen to my body. This from a woman who would often push herself so hard and so fast that the only time she’d stop was when she became so exhausted that clumsiness and accident-prone set in. Like falling off a two step ladder and almost – but not quite – breaking my arm on the window sill.

Today, I pushed myself and I’m paying for it. But sometimes it’s worth it. I was able to help my mom get her computer stuff set up and she is happy. She’s happy that I’m able to do it, and she trusts me. I was able to spend time with my mother, which I value all the time now as she gets older, more tired, and so on. Every moment is a gift.

Kind of like this fibro. It’s given me a new way of looking at myself and at life.

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Responses

  1. :::SMILES::: How very profound. I wish I could have been diagnosed during a time where there was this type of info on the internet.

    Where support systems from people we don’t even know was readily available.

    I love your willingness to FIGHT! For me, I call that being “sassy” and I have a pair of “sassy” shoes (albeit flats) that I put on every day to remind me that I AM more than FM!
    ———

    OT: I think you mentioned that you loved Bio-Freeze but it was super spendy. I have an idea for you on how you can get it cheaper. I get the biggest pump bottle they make for cheap. E-mail me.


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